The first piece of my work that I decided to revise was the guest editorial that I did. I chose this piece because I thought that I could improve upon the content of this piece. I used the SCAR method as suggested in the course assignments. I did not cut any of my information but I did add and rearrange ideas. I also substituted some words to improve the clarity of the piece.
When I went back and read the first paragraph I decided to add some more information about the letter that the newspaper received. I found that it may have been confusing for someone who had not read my other pieces. I began the paragraph by explaining that the newspaper had received an interesting letter. I gave some of the background information needed. I added this statement, “In her letter she posed a question about her husband who recently suffered a stroke and has been diagnosed with severe Broca’s aphasia with apraxia of speech.” I also rearranged the order of the words in the first sentence and changed some of the wording throughout the paragraph. I feel that revising this first paragraph made the introduction to the letter more clear.
When revising the letter that Mrs. Johnson wrote to the newspaper I decided to use Phillip’s name in the beginning. When I went back to read this part of the piece I noticed that I initially had written my husband and did not name him until three or four sentences later. I felt that this may cause some confusion so I edited the first sentence to read, “My husband, Phillip, recently suffered a stroke and was diagnosed with severe Broca’s aphasia with apraxia of speech.” I continued to explain what these terms meant and gave more information on what was going on. As the spouse I also stressed that Phillip is not mentally impaired but his speaking ability is impaired. I did this because I think that it is important for people to know that people who have Broca’s aphasia know what is going on around them but cannot communicate properly. Other things that I changed in this paragraph were spelling errors and grammar errors.
I also decided in the paragraph explaining who was responding to the letter to add names and credentials. I think that this makes the piece more appropriate. It makes it look like it was an actual guest editorial. This was also done because of the suggestion that one of my group mates had made.
In the last paragraph I really liked what was said as far as suggestions of what could be done. I added that Phillip’s speech pathologist and his wife could make the book together and help Phillip use it. I also added that if the book did not work maybe some type of PEC’s system could be used. As far as therapy goes, with a person with severe Broca’s aphasia with apraxia the options are usually limited to augmentative devices and learning to use them. I feel that my changes made this piece more cohesive and easy to read. To view the new piece you can click on the link below.
